When preparing your wedding stationery, it’s worthwhile to remember that, as The Times’ Modern Manners columnist John Morgan said, “Good manners are purely and simply a way of showing consideration and sensitivity towards others.” In other words, the purpose of etiquette is to treat others thoughtfully and put them at ease.

CEREMONY INVITATIONS | RECEPTION CARDS | EVENING INVITATIONS

RESPONSE CARDS | OTHER INVITATION ELEMENTS

Modern weddings can involve a myriad of circumstances and relationships. Here are some guidelines and examples that are suitable for many weddings, or of course I can help you to write something especially for your unique situation or wishes.

Click here for examples of how to word a ceremony invitation.

A few guidelines:

HOST: Traditionally in the UK the bride’s parents host; however, many modern weddings are hosted by both sets of parents, a combination of parents or stepparents, the couple themselves, or the couple together with their parents. The wording of your invitation can of course be crafted to elegantly reflect the specific circumstances of your wedding.

REQUEST/INVITATION PHRASE: Requesting the “honour” of a guest’s company is a phrase reserved for wedding ceremonies held in a church, temple, synagogue or other house of worship. Requesting the “pleasure” of a guest’s company applies to any kind of invitation. There are also many other lovely alternatives that might better reflect your personality, particularly if you want to convey a relaxed or informal tone with your invitation.

EVENT DESCRIPTION: You might simply say “...the marriage of” but could also consider injecting more colour with phrases such as “ceremony and celebration”, “share our joy”, etc. Depending upon who is hosting the wedding, references to “their daughter” or “his/her daughter” might be appropriate.

COUPLE’S NAMES: The bride’s name always precedes the groom’s name; first, middle and last names can be used, or only first names and surnames. If the parents of the bride and/or the groom are named as hosts, the last name may not be repeated when the bride and/or groom is named and only his/her first and/or middle name used. “And” is a more egalitarian link than “to,” though each has its own traditional roots.

CEREMONY DAY, DATE AND TIME: Spelled out completely, including “in the morning,” “in the afternoon,” or “in the evening,” as appropriate.

CEREMONY VENUE: Name and address details.

RECEPTION: Invite guests to a reception held at a separate venue with the words “and afterwards at” followed by name and address details. A more formal alternative is to include a separate reception card with the relevant details; this also preserves a clean and elegant look for the ceremony invitation.

RSVP: Details of the address to which guests should reply (normally, the host) are printed on the lower left-hand corner of the invitation. Or simply include a separate addressed, postage-paid RSVP card: this is a less strictly traditional convention, but is quite the norm with modern invitations.

Click here for examples of how to word a ceremony invitation.

A lovely option to help keep the ceremony invitation clutter-free, particularly when the reception description requires a bit of detail: it’s at a separate venue, there is a bit of a gap in the timeline, transportation details are required, etc.

Click here for examples of how to word a reception card.

Click here for examples of how to word invitations to the evening reception only.

Most brides are surprised to find how late many guests leave their replies. Including an response card -- addressed and stamped -- with the invitation encourages a prompt reply. The wording can be as formal or informal as you choose.

Click here for examples of how to word an response card.

Following are other important pieces of information you might want to communicate to your guests when you invite them to your wedding. I recommend a format that accommodates your specific, individual needs.

WEBSITE: Many couples today create a website to share information with their guests -- particularly when many people are traveling from out of town.

DIRECTIONS: Maps, driving instructions or other transportation details guests will need to arrive at the ceremony and reception on time.

ACCOMMODATIONS: Information about convenient places to stay and the details on any special rates or other arrangements you have made for your guests.

LOCAL INFORMATION: Details on the area in which you are getting married are particularly pertinent if many people are coming from out of town. If you and your fiance know the area well it can be a lovely personal touch to add details of your favorite restaurants, pubs, etc.

DRESS CODE: Usually the dress code is implied by the location and time of day of your wedding. Use your judgment as to whether your guests will need more guidance on how to dress for your wedding.

CHILD POLICY: Of course this is implied in how you address your invitations. Howevever, it can help avoid confusion to also separately specify, perhaps in person to any parents invited, whether children are welcome at your wedding.

CONTACT DETAILS: For questions, changes in plans, wedding list questions and the like.

WEDDING LIST: Some couples now take a more relaxed attitude toward including this information in with their invitations; however, even modern etiquette rules still say it’s a “don’t”. To decide, think about how you would feel about receiving an invitation with such information -- if you would feel at all uncomfortable or taken aback, leave it out. Traditionally the bride’s mother would help spread the word; close friends or bridesmaids might assist as well. A compromise to consider is including the information on your wedding website. If you would prefer guests did not send gifts, you could say something like “Your presence at our wedding is the best gift we can imagine”.